Third Person
by Silverfyshxin
Summary: [One-shot]My take on why Gambit speaks in third person. Insanity ahoy!


Disclaimer: Nothing from the X-men: evolution universe is mine.

Author's Note: My family plays this game from time to time to either a) annoy someone or b) get out of playing a stupid game that someone *coughmysistercough* tries to force us to play. I merely had the bright (or not so bright) idea to adapt it to the evo verse. So many thanks to my dad, brother and sisters for the inspiration of this fic.

~*~*~*~

          Third Person 

            The scene is the latest gloomy hideout of Magneto's. The boss himself is not in. Sabretooth has gone out, supposedly on an important errand, but he was heard muttering something about 'getting away from the maniacs'. However, our story is centred on the remainder of the Acolytes, and there our story begins…

            "Anyone want to play a game of poker?" Remy LeBeau asked his fellow Acolytes.

            "Who's Anyone?" John Allerdyce asked, scratching his head. He knew of Gambit's prowess in poker, having lost money to him on several occasions. In fact, he the Tin Can Man had concocted a plan to deal with it. If only he could remember what it was…

            Remy rolled his eyes. "Does anybody want a game of poker?"

            "I do not understand, comrade," Piotr Rasputin, face as stolid as ever, said. "Who is Anybody?"

            "Oh, I get it!" John said enthusiastically. "Must be some new girl he picked up. Why don't she change her name from Anybody to Hotbody? Gotta admit, mate, you sure have good taste in women.

            "My thanks for the compliment, mon ami," Remy shuffled a pack of cards. "But I don't know anyone called Anybody."

            "'Course ya don't know Anyone named Anybody, mate," Pyro said. "They're two different gals!"

            Piotr looked slightly worried. "Who is Monami?"

            "Must be some _other_ girl," John groaned. "Gambit, mate, people'll think yer a player if ya continue on like this."

            "John, I am a player," Remy informed John as patiently as possible.

            "Now there is a woman named I involved?" Piotr frowned. "Comrade, it is not good to play with feelings like that."

            "Yeah, whatever P-p- Ah, what the heck! Whatever he said!" John shouted.

            "We are getting off the subject," Remy informed his fellow Acolytes. "Who would like to play a game of poker against me?"

            "Who? Me?" Pyro's eyes widened. "We tell ya it's a bad idea to play with people's feelin's and ya still drag two more girls in! What kinda gentleman are ya?"

            "I- no, _Remy_ is a thief," Gambit explained. "A thief has no honour, so technically, _Remy_ is not a gentleman."

            "Still, comrade, it is not good to toy with emotions the way you do," Piotr said.

            "Ever heard of the term 'Love 'em and leave 'em'?" Pyro sniffed.

            "You should be more thoughtful towards ladies," Piotr said.

            "Gals are human beings too ya know," John sniffed. "Even if they don't seem like it."

            "Whomever Anybody, Anyone, Monami, I, Who or Me are," Piotr ignored Pyro and continued. "You should apologise to them for playing with their feelings and not taking them seriously."

            "Merde," Remy groaned. "Femmes have nothing to do with the question I asked. I, Remy, merely asked if anybody, such as John, or anyone, such as Piotr to have a game with me, Remy. Got it?"  
            Silence reigns shortly. Then Pyro happens to open his ugly gob and chaos reigns supreme. "Er, Gambit, mate, Petey ain't a girl and his name ain't Anybody either."

            "Neither is comrade John a lady, nor is his name Anyone."

            "And we sure ain't homosexuals," John finished. He brightened up. "Hey! I used a big word that has sex in it!"

            "You have also brought in a lady known as Yourself," Piotr said solemnly. "This may be worse than we first thought, comrade Pyro."

            "You said it Tin can, I mean, _comrade_ Tin can," Pyro corrected himself.

            "Look, I only want to know if you want to play poker," Remy said defensively.

            "Now there's a gal named You?" John scratched his head. Then he rubbed  the spot, for with all the scratching, the spot had become sore. "Colossus mate, this is worse than we _second_ thought!"

            Remy growled. "Alright, that's it! Time to get even!" He charged up two cards that miraculously appeared in his hands.

            "Nuh-uh. You play fair or take a time out." John played with his lighter a bit and sent fairy shaped tongues of flame to engulf the cards.

            "Hey!" Gambit threw the cards to the floor and stamped on them. When he lifted his feet, all he could see were piles of ash. "Those cards belonged to me!"

            "Ain't my fault you were using cards that belonged to one of your girlfriends," Pyro shrugged. "Serves ya right."

            "Comrade John is correct," Piotr acknowledged. "First, you toy with her affections even though you do not return them. Second, you use _her _cards to blow others up. This is not good comrade."

            "Yeah! It's worse than we _third_ thought!" John said cheerfully.

            "Those cards belonged to Gambit!' Remy snapped.

            "How could they belong to the gal and you too?" John scratched his head and yelped when it stung. "I know! You were broke and she offered to pay half the price and you agreed and they're half yours and half hers and you both take turns keeping the cards so one night her and one night yours and one night hers and one night yours and then you use them to blow people up when they're yours and you give the rest back to her when they're hers!" He beamed at his fellow Acolytes.

            "Huh?" Remy gave him a weird look.

            Colossus shook his head gravely. "Not good at all, comrade Gambit."

            "Worse than we _fourth_ thought!" John proclaimed.

            "You must not continue this frivolous life," Piotr informed Remy. "You must have control and stop this as soon as possible."

            "Worse than we _fifth_ thought!"

            "That's it!" Remy exploded. "This is driving Remy nuts! From now on, Remy is only Remy. Gambit is only Gambit. Remy 'Gambit' LeBeau will only refer to himself in third person!"

            This might have been the end of the story if Pyro had not opened his gob again…

            "Gambit, mate…"

            "What?"

            "Is there _another_ gal called Himself? This is worse than we _sixth_ thought… YEOWCH!"

            "At least he forgot about the poker game," Colossus mumbled as he watched Pyro fly through the air with the greatest ease.

            "Colossus, HEEELP!"

            And that truly is the end of the story.

~*~*~*~

            Author's note 2: I didn't really feel like adding 'St' in front of Pyro's name all the time. I didn't feel like doing the accents either. Hope no one's too angry with me. –Nie Starwhistler


End file.
